Stories behind many of the songs

It’s always the same old boring “boy meets girl”, “girl meets boy”, “boy meets boy”, “boy meets farm animal” “I’m unhappy” “I’m angry” “I’m in love” “I want to slit my wrists” “let’s all become immensely intoxicated and be festive” blah blah blah blah… not in Iced Ink. Here are the little things in life that triggered quite a few of our tunes. They’ll either help you relate to the songs, or better yet, leave you even more clueless and confused than when you started out. Many of these tunes can be heard on our Soundcloud page.

Stupidface 4.0

11:45pm Dug the remote out from between the cushions of recliner and turned TV off, went to bed 12:23am Got out of bed, grabbed bowl of cereal, turned TV on and watched infomercials 12:46am Still watching infomercials & wondering why 1:05am Fished remote control out from between the cushions of recliner and turned TV off, went to bed 1:45am Got out of bed, turned TV back on, watched last half of “Walker, Texas Ranger” and first half of “Three’s Company” reruns 2:18am Fast asleep on recliner with remote in hand 5:45am Alarm clock goes off in bedroom, still fast asleep on recliner with remote in hand 8:05am Begin 10 hour workday which will be spent sitting in grey cubicle with a bad case of Stupidface.

This is What the Fuck Robster Craws Are

If you are not familiar with the following dialogue and these characters, you really should be ashamed of yourself.

Takashi: “Maybe we should serve robster craws.”
Booger: “Robster craws?? What the fuck are robster craws?”

Chainsaw & Dave vs The Flesh Eating Rabbits

Inspired by Chainsaw and Dave from the movie Summer School. They were the precursor to blonde/brunette duos such as Bill & Ted and Wayne and Garth and never really got the credit or recognition they truly deserved.

Abra Cadaver

This one’s for all of the magician assistants who have died on the job.

White Box with Black Buttons

A love song for the visually pleasing BOSS DR-670 (aka “the Stormtrooper drum machine”), an Iced Ink composition tool acquired several years ago that is still used to this day.

Look! It’s Rock and Roll!

It’s a long story… Go here>>

Don Julio: Jalesco’s Toothbrush For Your Brain

Love song for Don Julio Anejo, the official Iced Ink tequila.

There’s a Bee In Here

Iced Ink guitarist Mike has a ridiculous fear of bees. This is about a true story of him driving on the back roads of Cottage Grove MN in his S10 pickup with the windows open, a warm summer breeze flowing through the vehicle, and awesome tunes a-cranking. Things couldn’t get any better until a big fatass bumblebee hit the driver’s side mirror and splattered onto his shirt.

I Feel Good, I Feel Great, I Feel Wonderful

Everyone knows, works with, is related to, or just is someone who likes to piss and moan all the time. They don’t realize that there’s starving people in China, and that things could be much worse than the cat throwing up on the carpet or being out of toilet paper.

Secret Asian Man

Title is a tip of the hat to the Devo song Secret Asian Man. For lack of better explanation, Secret Asian Man is an imaginary character who is a cross between Charlie Chan, James Bond, and Frank Drebin (Leslie Neilson in the Naked Gun films).

Steve Buscemi Overture

Providing that your reading comprehension skills are up to snuff, you probably realize that this song was written for one of Iced Ink guitarist Mike’s favorite actors, Steve Buscemi. This song was originally entitled “Desperately Seeking Enid” – Enid is a character in the film Ghost World who Mike developed an immense childhood-like crush on when he first saw the film (the crush has since disappated). Upon the song’s completion, it sounded more like something that resembled Steve Buscemi’s body of work more than Enid’s body… not to mention the final song title is way more bitchin’ than the other one.

Weird Beard Rides Again

Weird Beard is a true life story of a smelly man with a scruffy unkempt beard who got off the bus and visited a coffee shop every day as part of his obsessive compulsive daily routine. He drank tea with cream and read the paper. Every day. He is a very creepy man who scared women and children alike with his foul stench alone. One fine day he had an accident in the restroom which resulted in his poop being smeared on the bathroom walls. He was banned from the shop because of this and disappeared for a month and after that, he returned. He never entered the store though – instead, he’d get off the bus and walk around outside on the sidewalk for 45 mintues and then get back on the bus.

Theme From the Ritardo Montalban Show

What if Ricardo Montalban was mentally challenged and had a talk show? And what if every night after his monologue he recycled his famous line from Fantasy Island: “I am Mr. Roarke and I am your host. Smiles, everyone… Smiles!”

Older tunes we don’t really do these days but might eventually resurface:

Buy Me Toys

Just you keep trying to have the latest and greatest doodad – a week later, something better, cheaper, and faster will come out. The title was lifted from Kevin Smith masterpiece “Mallrats” (filmed in Minnesota’s very own Eden Prarie Mall)

The World According to a Drunken Trendy Asshole

“She Might Be A Spy” once played a show where some monstrosity walked out of the Men’s room (after washing his hands, I’m sure) and past the stage while the band was playing. In passing, he yelled “You guys blow more than trumpets!” This one’s for people like him that make it all worth it.


A honky-ass progressive pseudo-reggae tune written for a great drummer named John Seals, the first drummer Mike played with way back when he started writing Iced Ink music. John was the first (but not last) unfortunate drummer to be exposed to the song “There’s A Bee In Here”. If you’ve never met John, he’s a great guy whose personality bears an uncanny resemblance to that of Jeff Bridges’ character in “The Big Lebowski”. The Dude abides.

I’ve Misplaced Myself

There is such thing as too much of a good thing.

T. Baskasauss & The Badass Tricycle of Death

T. Baska is a musclehead greaser cartoon character who wears shades, blue jeans, and a leather jacket (imagine John Trivolta in “Grease”, only dumber). He has a pompadour that makes his head 6″ taller than it actually is, a huge chin, and rides a tricycle. Not just any tricycle – but the Badass Tricycle of Death. There is a part 2 to this song called “Requiem for an Unmanned Spy Tricycle” which will maybe see the light of day if the band gets bored enough.

E. 43rd Street Ghost Riders

What happens on 43rd Street at 3am stays on 43rd Street.

The Pachina Monologues

Originally called “My Vagina Has a First Name”, a slight re-wording of the Oscar Meyer jingle.  Q: How many times can the word “vagina” be used in a play? A: Several hundred.

Hang Your Head, Paul Dooley

He’s that ornery guy in all of those movies. His name? Paul Dooley. Tom Dooley is a good Kingston Trio song. Dooley was the name of a pug owned by Mike’s childhood neighbors. Doolies were also snack from the 80s. With all of this sweet Dooley action in mind, Hang Your Head Paul Dooley was born.